
The Air was like ice, creeping its way underneath the thin sheer covers I had over my legs. I was laying there motionless and afraid. What else are you suppose to do when you hear your door open and its pitch black. They always thought us to stay still if we see a bear or snake or lion, but what do you do when you see nothing. I slowly put the covers over my head hoping that the mysterious creature lurking wouldn’t see me if I was hiding although it was in a very obvious spot. I hear a harsh breathing coming closer and closer. At first when I heard it I thought it was just my nervous breathing getting heavier and heavier, but no it was something else because I could hear it moving all through the room. My breathing became harsher and harsher, and if the thing didn’t know I was in there before he sure did now. I felt my bed shake a little then again. Then a hand quickly grabs my foot and pulls me up and puts me on his shoulder. I scream trying to get my parents to hear, but as he takes me to the hall, I see they are all tied up in the corner, with another guy with a clown mask on. They started laughing and said, “If you would like we can bring her back when we are done, but she won’t be of much use after we kill her.” I scream, and my mom yells “Don’t give up Jackie, keep fighting you are strong.” I hear a engine running of what seems to be a big car, maybe a van. He takes me as I’m kicking and screaming out the door, and shoves me into the back of this white van. I couldn’t see anything and I kept screaming. Then the man comes back and puts a piece of cloth on my mouth when I breathed in everything was gone. I woak up what seemed to be days later, but was only hours. By this time though it took my eyes a little to focus, and when they did I wanted them to go blurry again. I had learned though not to scream. I look around the back of the van and see multiple instruments, like what my dad used for surgery. They all were covered in blood and when I looked to the right I saw a trash bag, I went over to see what was in it and as I touched it I felt a body. I felt the bones, and the skull. I was sure I was going to be next. I was going to be the next girl in the trash bag that these guys get away with killing. I was determined though not to let that happen. I start to look more carefully at the door and the locks. I then looked at the window. I had an idea, I took one of the metal blades I found to put it in between the two doors. I started prying to get it open. I kept pushing and pushing. I got it. It came undone. I was lucky though I didn’t slip out of the door, because we are moving, and seemed to be in the middle of the desert. Most of the instruments are tied up with metal locks, but the blade they forgot to put up I knew I could do some damage with. I started banging on the window of the van and screaming, it came to a hult. The normal kid would of jumped out and ran, but first I had no idea where I would be going, and second I wanted to have some revenge on the two men who planned on killing me. One comes around and I hide in the corner while the door swings open, and they think I was gone. They both quickly jump into the cart, and with a thud I jabbed both in the back with the blade. I shove them all the way into the back and shut the door, I grabbed the spear phone and key out of the older guys pants before I shut it. I ran to the front of the car and drive away with them in the back. I found the nearest gas station, and they had left their wallet out. I paid for gas, but instead of putting the gas in the tank I open up the window to the back and slowly poor the gas into it covering the back.. I called the cops and told them to meet me at the town that was coming up. I sat in the gas station until they woak up. I went and got matches from inside and went and drove into a abandoned field. They tried to beg and plead not to have me kill them, but nothing could make them live. I wanted them to suffer like they made that little girl suffer. I lit the match and ran a few feet back and right before I threw it I said, “My mom was right, I am strong.” I threw the match and watched the van burst into flames. I started walking to the town where I had told the cop to meet me, and as I was walking I notice a car following me on the side of the road. It asked if I wanted a ride I said no. He wouldn’t listen to me and kept asking and I kept saying no I am fine. Then when he got out I pulled the metal blade on him and he drove away. I was almost to the little town, but I couldn’t see the cop car. I turned around and saw another man behind me. He said, “You messed with the wrong people.” I screamed. They had had a tracker on the phone. He picked me up and put me in the back and tied me down to the chair in the back. He said we are so far in the middle of nowhere no one will hear your screams. He pulled out a knife blade, and took a first cut on my leg. I didn’t scream but kept bleeding. I hurt like hell, but I knew I could tough it out. Then another on my stomach, little did he know though that I had slid my blade into my shirt so I was uncutting myself out of the rope from behind. I finally got myself loose. I slowly and quickly moved my arms around when he turned his back to me, and stabbed him in the spine. He fell paralyzed to the ground and I said, “you have messed with the wrong girl.” I stabbed him again and again, and this time took the tracker out of the phone, and drove away to where I found a police I got out covered in blood and he took me into his car, and drove me home. My mom said, “I knew you were strong”, when I walked in the door crying with tears coming down her face. I replied, “You have no idea.”
First. You used the same opening line as me silly. I liked the way you said "Were supposed to stay still if we see a bear or a snake..." I really liked that sentence because it gives the person reading a sense of what the character is going through. I loved the ending part, How you ended with the girl speaking. It was very intense and I liked your story.
ReplyDelete1. I loved the line that Danielle liked too, it is very true. What do you do when you see nothing?
ReplyDelete2. Your character seemed very strong. When she woke up in the van, it was quick thinking to grab a weapon.
3. Very fast paced, I enjoyed the constant action that was going on.
Oh my gosh the beginning was so good. I cued feel the goose bumps on my skin. That was amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteThis was really good! I was shocked after she caught fire to the van, I thought she was going to get away, but then ended up being kidnapped yet again!
ReplyDelete